Ok, guys- I'm saying it. After 2 years of watching my mom fight in the trenches (on the winning side!), I'm not as easily convinced when people say, "I have a cure for cancer".
And, I have to say it makes me
really upset when people casually imply, "If you'd just do
this than your mom would be fine and you wouldn't be going through this" (like they know everything . . . ).
Maybe it's because I've taken the advice and done my best to help Mom do it (along with countless doctors!) and I know it's not that "simple fix" like they implied. It's work, and it's hard!
Or, that really "kind-hearted" person who comes up and offers
another "cure" to the health issue... and just talks, doesn't listen... and their every word feeling like a dart to the heart because on the inside -- you're so numb and hurting from working really hard and wanting to be sssooo done with this. Really you don't need their latest "un-researched medical advice"... you need a hug, an (nonjudgmental) listening ear, and a continued smile that says, "I believe in you."
Ugh!
Now I feel ---
Really? You have all the answers?
If only . . .
And, don't get me wrong- I
really want to believe these well-meaning people! It's just I I feel like they don't understand and they come across as slightly arrogant to me.
Maybe that's judgmental of me.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe it's just where I am and it'll pass?
They say it like it's a quick fix when it's
extremely complicated. And, - - - - they're not the ones that have sat through the day-long appointments, taken off work, lost sleep and felt totally awkward in situations when your heart tries to make a desperate escape through your throat and you're left not able to talk in a puddle of tears about all of this . . .
If you knew how my family has banded together (we're stronger for it, though), the investment in a
gazillion natural supplements (literally) , the hours and hours (up to 10 x a day) we've spent juicing (not to mention research), the surgeries, the traditional treatments mom's endured and the hospital stays that we've supported her through, the exercise regimes, oxygen therapy, rebounding, the infrared saunas, bio sodium carbonate, essential oils, raw diets, routines, mediation, prayer, fasting, the whole lot all with a smile (or mostly :p) --- ya might not be so quick to judge.
So, you have a cure for cancer?
Fine.
Great- I hope you're right!
The world needs one.
Please tell me if you do,
but show me the research.
Show me the science.
Someone recently told me that
Gerson Therapy is 12% success rate.
Right.
Not good enough. I'm not saying that people haven't been saved by it, but I just think it's rather
unwise to stake
your life on an entire theory that has an 88% of not working. :/
Of course, I'm not saying chemo is much better. {I think the average is 60% survival rate for anyone who gets cancer.}
I am by no means giving up.
Mom's a fighter and that's all there is to it. I'm 100% behind her (as are all of you are, I'm sure), my rock solid dad, and 8 sibs to boot and our fabulous friends and extended family who've prayed us through.
Nope, notta chance. :) Quitting and taking a breath are just two different things, and I'm learning to distinguish. :p
This post just means I'm trying to communicate and not lock up.
It's easy to do.
Lock up, that is.
Just nodding your head "yes" when people ask you if "you're fine" in attempt to push out the pain (when what you really feel inside is this ache of uncertainty and almost a sort of trauma from seeing everything that can happen from disease, and then the pressure to constantly sift through the hype for the next best thing.)
I'm ok, though-- because God is good.
But, I won't pretend - I don't understand.
Just trying to keep reaching out and recognize that it's alright to feel overwhelmed, upset and even angry -- just as long as I don't stop there. :)
There's a part of me that really wants to minister to people who have a family member that's going through a fight with cancer and then there's another part of me that wants to scream it away and never think about it again.
The past couple of days I've felt numb, but also extremely grateful.
God's been reminding me that I'm just a vessel and not the source.
I was pacing outside the hospital yesterday morning feeling completely unable to handle this and it was like God spoke to me and said, "Katherine- stop trying to do this in your own strength. I'm here and I love you."
Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously, my Mom is 10x stronger than I am.
I've never, ever seen her break down. Not once. Isn't that amazing?! I feel like it would be better if she'd just let it out, but I think God's just given her a special grace to deal with all of this.
It's late Monday night. (or rather early Tues) now -- I'm out of town because our local hospital is less than desirable and my Mom is on her 2nd night with hope to be released tomorrow. = )
I read a fabulous book 2 years that's helped me a ton. It's called
The Land Between which I highly recommend for anyone who needs encouragement during a tough time, and is searching for meaning.
After saying all that-- I should
most definitely mention that
I believe my Mom will be completely healed. And, Mom believes this more than anyone which is what matters most. :)
So, when tough times come- we find out what we really believe and it's bitter or better. Which one are you choosing?
Sending love! :)
Thank you guys for being ssoooo supportive! And, for listening to 'my spill'! :p
Planning to post some vids soon that are helpful for cancer prevention!
